Don’t Look Now, But Your Server Hates You

THE TOP 10 MISTAKES THAT WILL TEMPT A SERVER TO DEFILE YOUR FOOD Many people may not know this about me, but I’m on a committee to pass a bill that requires people to work in a restaurant before they are allowed to eat in one.  Ok, I’m not really, I just made that up.…

So You Wanna be a Douchebag – Part Deux-che

A recurring scene at my bar: “Excuse me, sir.” “What’s up, chief?” “You didn’t leave enough money to cover the tab.” (Looks at the bill)  “Those glasses of champagne aren’t mine.” “I believe they are.  You ordered them for those two women.” (Looks toward the front door where the aforementioned women recently exited)  “No I…

So You Wanna be a Douchebag?

Insider Tips to the Art of Douchebaggery Part I I work in a place that attracts douchebags like water to a drain.  Somebody has to.  When you’re a douchebag, you either own it and drive a Corvette and go out night after night, hitting on other guys’ girlfriends and hi-fiving strangers after saying things like,…

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The 13 Most Common Lies Told in Bars

A few weeks ago I overheard a guy telling everyone within shouting earshot about his all night slumber party with two heavenly vixens. Unfortunately for him, I play a lot of poker and I immediately spotted his tell. It was a dead giveaway:  he was disgusting. And he had the personality of a retarded goat.…

The 10 Rules of Bar Etiquette

About ten times a year, during those special occasions we call “holidays”, a terrible mistake is made in which people who normally shuffle about their daily lives in prosaic, sober contentment, are foolishly allowed to venture out to drink and interact with people who take the boozing lifestyle seriously. It has been my long standing…