I think we can all agree that pick-up lines are copyrighted, patented and only to be used with the express written consent of Douchebags, Inc. These are guys who are too lazy to take the time to get to know anyone and are looking for a loophole, some sort of shortcut in order to achieve instant intimacy. They’ve been reading too many Penthouse Letters and are hoping that they too can experience some remarkable and unbelievable encounter that they can relate to Penthouse, one of those letters that starts out, I never thought it would happen to me, but…
With that said, here are the 20 best/worst pick-up lines I’ve heard over the years. Have your barf bag available.
1. Could you please tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes?
2. Nice legs. What time do they open?
3. Fuck me if I’m wrong, but haven’t we met before?
4. Sure, there might be girls hotter in here, but that’s what light switches are for, baby.
5. How about we go to my place and do things I’m going to tell my friends we did anyway?
6. Hello, my name is [name], just so you know what to scream out in bed later.
7. So, is it safe to say I’m going to score?
8. Don’t worry baby, as long as I have a face, you’ll have a place to sit.
9. All those curves, and me with no brakes.
10. See this watch, it’s magic, it talks to me. Right now it’s telling me that you have no underwear on. Wait (tap, tap, tap), sorry, it’s an hour fast.
11. Are you texting me, because I’m right here.
12. Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poems…nice tits.
13. (Hands her a business card that says, “Laugh if you’re horny.”)
14. If I let you ride in my Porsche can I go all Fast and Furious on your body?
15. Can I have directions? (To where?) Your bedroom.
16. Would you like to do a 68? You go down on me and I’ll owe you one.
17. It’s cold in here. Mind if I use your thighs for earmuffs?
18. I wanted you to know that I just moved you to the top of my To-Do list.
19. What do I do for a living? I’m an astronaut. My next mission is to explore Uranus.
20. Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?
Keep on truckin’ Douchebags. Ladies: RUN!
Cheers, until the next time.