“YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHO YOU’RE FUCKING WITH, PRETTY BOY!”
-FAT DRUNK GUY
Last night an absolute PEACH of a gentleman patronized my establishment. He was a fat red-headed specimen with sweaty armpits who apparently rejected the theory of alcohol poisoning and decided to challenge its existence. I, being of sound and sober mind, ended his little experiment promptly after he loudly informed a woman sipping wine at the bar that he was a motorboat specialist and that he would like to provide her with a proper demonstration. Apparently he didn’t agree with my decision and responded with this message on his Visa receipt which expressed his great displeasure.
Calm yourselves, little birds. I can hear you squawking angrily and sympathetically for my plight, but this story isn’t over yet. The fat, drunk, red-headed, crude, sweaty man staggered out the door, climbed into his Toyota Tacoma, and instantly crashed it into a telephone pole 200 feet away from the bar, injuring nobody except the pole and his Tacoma. Police arrived quickly and handcuffed him while he shouted profanities at them and swore a painful vengeance on the entire town.
For those of you who ever doubted the validity Karma, there you go. Justice is served!
Cheers, until the next time.
The RB
Lol. Am I a terrible person if this just made my day?
I guess it would only not be funny if he’d crashed into someone else.
Do not F with The Drunken Assassin. That’s priceless. Perfect justice in every way. It’s almost too perfect.
Sounds like your typical angry drunk. Good thing you cut the jackass off when you did or things may have gotten worse than just hitting a telephone pole. The fucker should could come back and not only tip you…but thank you for cutting him off. What a fucking idiot.
Poles take shit from NOBODY.
Instant Karma is the best kind.
That’s a big bar tab … hope you don’t get any heat from that. In MA anytime someone gets arrested for drunk driving the ABC sends out a warning letter if they can determine where the individual was drinking. Funny story, though. A perfect ending, with no one but the asshole getting hurt. Good post, as always.
You’re right, Mike. I thought of that. I can say I cut him off, which is a good thing, but they don’t give a shit. All they care about is if I served him when he shouldn’t have been served. That law sucks. Too difficult to monitor.
The RB
I’m often faced with the same inner battle me-self. Cut off a significantly large tab due to excessive inebriation and risk not getting weed money or not. I usually do the right thing though – at my expense of course. Unfortunately, I’ve rarely had such karma get back to these douchebags – at least not to my knowledge. Oh well.