Based on my analytic stats and search engine results, I am apparently heading a forum for a group of desperately horny individuals seeking counsel on how to get laid and/or drunk fucking. And bird hangovers. I had no idea birds drank that much. Here’s a sample of Friday’s keywords that brought people to my site:
I think this means I am the new-world leader of a spastic, unstable group of perverts, which is weird because I wasn’t even nominated or anything, which is REALLY weird because it seems like I should have some credentials or something to be the leader of a gaggle of sexual deviants. Either way, don’t tell my wife because if she thinks I am the leader of a group of people figuring out how to get laid she will fall on the ground and laugh until her lungs tear at the seam.
Nevertheless, allow me to offer advice in a couple areas I do know about. For you females who searched the Internet for, “how to get laid for women” and “how to get laid if you’re a girl,” I can only assume that you have a vagina that is oozing a green gonorrhea-type substance because in order to get laid as a girl all you need to have is a (somewhat) clean vagina. Don’t worry about your face, that can be overlooked, and alcohol fixes most beauty-deficiencies.
A girl who says she can’t get laid is like someone with a loaded gun who says they don’t know how to commit suicide. All you have to do is pull the trigger. If you don’t know how to get laid as a girl, here’s a tutorial (you may want to write this down and put it in your pocket for when you go out): Say out loud, “I would like to get laid tonight.” in a bar with dudes in it. Wait 3 to 4 seconds. That’s it. Enjoy. And you’re welcome.