jasonbournegun

The Bourne Illumination

IT’S LIKE LOOKING IN A MIRROR! I have always wanted to be a bad-ass action hero, from the time I was about four, watching The Six-Million Dollar Man, up until about two days ago. One of the great pleasures I get working at my bar is that about once every three or four months some drunk person…

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Duane the Mixologist

Hello, my name is Duane.  I am a mixologist.  People call me Duane the mixologist.  If you need a cocktail, please do not call out, “Hey bartender,” because I will not respond, as I am not a bartender.  Please call me Duane, or Master Mixologist and I will be happy to serve you (sometimes when…

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Fucking With Drunk People

 I’m not sure why, but lately I’ve become more irritable about the fact that I spend five nights a week in a place where I’m sober and everyone else is flying high and yuckin’ it up.  I understand that it’s my job, but after awhile it feels like I’ve been invited to a party but…

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You Might be a Drunk if…

If you’ve been on the fence lately as to whether you’ve been drinking too much. See if any of these apply.  You might be a drunk if… You take a shot of 151 and complain to the bartender that it isn’t strong enough. While drinking a beer on your couch, you yell at your cat…

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Bartender Ride-Along

     Cops are so lucky.  They get to wear a sparkly badge and eat doughnuts and tell people to spread ‘em.  They carry around their shooty-things on their hip and get to hit people in the upper thighs with a heavy stick that swings recklessly from their Batman utility belt.  All I get is…