Apparently Me & John Cena Were Separated at Birth

This is totally unrelated to working in a bar, except that for like 10 years I had people come into my bar and tell me that I looked like Matt Damon, which was awesome because basically all I really heard was, "Hey look everybody, it's Jason Bourne."

For those of you who don't know me well (yet), I LOVE Jason Bourne because he doesn't need to dodge 10,458 bullets and rely on his enemies to be absolutely god-awful with an AK-47, like Keanu Reeves in John Wick 2.

Instead, he walk-runs everywhere he goes and thinks 5 steps ahead of everyone who's chasing him so they never even get a clean shot in, and even when they do eventually catch up to him, all he needs is a rolled up magazine and a ballpoint pen to massacre them and make them wish they'd never stepped outside that day.

Let's take a look:

As you can see, we're both highly trained and on the lookout for tainted FBI agents, or possibly evil oil company CEO's that we can take down.

Then, for some reason, the Jason Bourne comments simply stopped coming. I assumed it was because Matt Damon is so much older now and I've remained devilishly handsome, but that has yet to be confirmed.

Then, about a year ago, someone told me I looked like John Cena. At first I thought it might be one of the evil oil company CEO's trying to throw me off-balance, but I didn't see the advantage in that, so then I thought, "John Cena, huh? Ok, not too shabby. He's a bad-ass, just in a more meat-head kind of way."

I have nothing against John Cena, and in fact he's a pretty cool cat, but I just don't really wrestle much and I rarely oil my body up. I did enjoy him in the movie Cock Blockers, even that part where he takes a beer bong up his ass. Although you'd never find me and Jason doing something like that together, so I guess I'm still trying to make a connection and find some common ground with John. 

It probably won't be ass-beer-bonging, just so you know, although I said I would never feed bourbon to my eternal-nocturnal meowing cat, and I'm pretty sure you know how that one turned out.

Anywho, since that time, I have had no less than 25 John Cena look-alike remarks, and not one Matt Damon. I can't lie, the lack of Matt Damon look-alike comments hurts, but it's not like they told me I look like Steve Buscemi or anything (no offense Steve). When it comes right down to it, John is not only bad-ass, he's funny and pretty damn smart in his own right.

Whatta think?

 

I don't know if I see it, but when 25 people in 12 months tell you that you look like someone, there's either a major conspiracy going on that me and Jason Bourne need to get to the bottom of, or like they say, if 1 person tells you that you look like a horse, no big deal, but if 25 people tell you that you look like a horse, it's time to buy a saddle (not comparing you to a horse John...please don't crush me on your forehead like a beer can).

If anyone has any information leading to me and John's separation at birth, John will pay handsomely for it (but email me first).

Cheers, until next time.

Dave

Share the Love:

About the Author

Dave has been in the bar/restaurant industry for more 30 years and has worked as a barback, server, bartender, bar manager, GM, bar consultant, and since 2010 is the Owner/CEO of Bar Patrol, a bar and restaurant management company that helps owners & managers run a more profitable bar. In addition, Dave also helps bartenders become experts at their jobs, as well as help aspiring bartenders to learn the trade and get their foot in the door and land a job with the #1 online bartending course, TheRealBarCourse. Dave can be reached at any time at: Dave@TheRealBarman.com.